What Else Is True?
During the past three years of journeying through a global pandemic, I’ve had lots of opportunities to process the idea of what it means to be a resiliency-informed trauma therapist. And I have come to believe that being resiliency informed is a more expansive task than simply being trauma-informed.
A scene from the movie Inside Out was particularly useful in my expansion of trauma-informed care to resiliency-informed care. If you recall, the hero of the movie is a small blue gal named “Sadness” who experiences, well, a lot of blue feelings. At one point in the movie her nervous system is so overwhelmed by life experiences that she collapses on the ground and has to be drug along by the leg by another character, “Joy.”
That scene was sort of how 2020 felt to me. Joy needing to drag me along by my leg as I lay sprawled out in the dust. But fortunately, Joy cared enough to not leave me behind. And that became my vision of what resiliency-focused work is all about. It’s not that Sadness isn’t real. It’s not that Sadness isn’t important and honorable and valid. It’s just that when Sadness is unable to move forward because everything is too hard, it takes Joy to drag us along, Joy to not leave us behind, and Joy to look for a way back toward resilience.
I began to stop asking myself (and my unhappy students,) “What’s wrong?” Mostly because it was clearly obvious that everything was wrong, but also because even when there isn’t a global pandemic, asking someone “What’s wrong?” focuses the attention of the brain and body on the hard stuff, which can end up leaving us in a sludgy slump. Like poor Sadness. Instead, I began most conversations with some of the core questions of the Trauma Resource Institute, questions I have grown fond of asking since 2020:
“What has gotten you through hard times?”
“What has been something during this ‘unprecedented year’ that has uplifted you, encouraged you, supported you?”
“Who or what has been a source of strength for you?”
“What else is true?”
I’ve asked those question on webinars. I’ve asked them during parent education series. I’ve asked them to my friends. I’ve asked them to my loved ones.
And what I’ve found is that when people start to talk about what else is true, things start to soften around the edges. Sweet tears start to form at the corners of eyes. Breath begins to deepen. Tension that we sometimes didn’t even know we were holding starts to loosen.
The “What else is true” answers aren’t even all that snazzy or radical.
They are things like, “the smell of dirt when I am outside gardening” “my new puppy chasing his tail” “hearing the wind in the palm fronds” “zoom calls with my family on the east coast” “prayer and time with God” “wearing slippers all day long” “watching the way my kid’s brains work, something I might never have seen if they weren’t doing school right in front of me” “my friends” “my faith” “my chocolate stash.”
“What else is true?” is an inclusive question. It’s not saying that all the awfulness isn’t true as well, it’s simply asking us to expand our peripheral vision. To let the edges of our focus come into awareness, and to let our energy dwell there for just a bit longer than we might otherwise have.
When we let our bodies rest in the space of “what else is true,” our nervous system thanks us. Stress can begin to slowly wane. I’m not saying that it will dial you down from a raging 10 to a chill 2, but if you can move your body’s dial from a 10 to a 9.5, that’s a movement toward health and well-being. That’s a step in the right direction.
With your attention on “what else is true,” sometimes changes begin to happen “on the inside. Maybe a softening of your muscles? Maybe a deeper breath? Maybe your heart rate calms a bit? If so, just notice the change. Water it. Tend to the garden of your soul and notice that little bit of difference. Because what we pay attention to grows.
Whether it’s noticing a sunset sky after a tough work day, or the aroma of marshmellows melting in the hot chocolate, or simply becoming aware of how your elbows feel pretty neutral on the arm rest of the chair, there is always something else that is true.
Try it now. Can you find some place of body neutrality in your elbows, your fingertips, your nose? Can you notice the tree leaves waving outside your window? Can you feel your dog’s chin resting on your leg? Can you bring to mind someone who you love? When you turn your attention just a little sideways, you can always find something else that’s true. Find it, then water it. Sink into it and savor it. Experience resilience, one small sip at a time. Your body will thank you.